so, AWOL

AWOL = not so great.

Things have been happening. My job has been odd, things are sometimes okay, sometimes not, mostly have been scouring the classifieds because I seriously love this job and I don’t want to hate it.

There’s personal life things, and I wish I could talk about them – but I don’t know where I would start.

I actually deleted a bunch of text right now because … I shouldn’t even start.


Christmas was kind of cool. Mom gave me money, my grandparents got me a windbreaker from Cape May- OH OH OH..

Get this. A week or two ago my aunt took my grandparents with her and her husband to Cape May for a weekend vacation- I think kind of a last hurrah for my grandparents and they could get away for a while- It was very nice for them they had a good time. I have the misfortune to have a birthday in December which means it gets forgotten by my family, with the way they are- whatever. So I got a summer tote for my birthday from them. A dear friend of mine made my actual birthday so sweet- Dinner at a lovely place- which for me, you take me to a place that makes fucking awesome burgers? Helllll yes. We two are both fans of cheeseburgers and god I have no words.

Theres that red string theory, where to put it basically – if you were meant to have met someone, there’s this red string of fate that ties you together- so Friend wrapped all the B-day gifts and tied them together with red string. It was lovely and the card wasn’t a traditional card but something Friend wrote- its under my pillow right now.


Then for freaking christmas….. Friend could get me something from the dollar tree and I would treasure it – but Friend just… doesn’t do that. Ha- so several geeky things and a knife. It’s all awesome.

Finished up a play in November, Born Yesterday- I was a maid again- I loved that play so much, it was amazing. I was so glad to be a part of it.

Anyways, it’s about 6am and I work today at some point, I will need to find some sleep here.


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Regarding Music

I’ve posted this to my tumblr too, well, actually I started typing it there and smacked myself because I could have started off here but welp. I should have blogged all week while at work, but I spent most of the time cleaning. Here it be:

I’m sitting at my job right now, I work night shift at a group home, 11pm to 9am, sometimes a bit longer. It has been a rough week,  I’ve not been particularly down feeling, things are relatively alright- in the grand scheme of things in my life I’ve been worse.

But all that aside, I sometimes sit here with not much to do, I mean I’m allowed my computer, I’ve cleaned all week, just cleaned out the fridge in fact.

The funny thing is, I’m listening to this song,   “The Mighty Rio Grande” by This Will Destroy You, (if you follow Tom Hiddleston, he just tweeted it) and I’m loving this song. There’s nothing I can pinpoint on it, there’s no defining thing, but it just makes me marvel at the power music has, because I feel … better. Sometimes you have got your playlist of songs that are that, everything is going to be okay, it’s going to work out.

Life’s not like that, it doesn’t always work out, things go to shit, but it can get better.

I feel like I’m talking out my ass here, but I’ll keep carrying on here with this tune.

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RIP Tyson

They did take him to the vet then.

Sleep well, Tyson.


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This is Tyson. My gram has been having to make the decision to take him to the vet to get him put to sleep – he’s not been doing well. He irritates the everlasting shit out of everyone but on occasion he’s a sweetie, this is one of those times. I’m going to put two other videos as well, and like, I’m an absolute loon in them but the dog is being cute.


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life or something like it

Well, the play is over. Mixed feelings because I always like working on stuff like that with Brother and like, glad cause there were some aspects that were kind of …meh.

but then i fucked up my shoulder some how and i’ve gotten little sleep and adlshga;sdlkghas;dklghaskd.

I miss seeing Brother and Director already.

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So this day

Today was like getting hit by a bus of nuclear fuck.

I came home, and right off, a shooter of vodka. Vladamier, to be specific.

The less I say about specifics, the less oportunity I have to get fired over talking about it so yeah. I will say this, if I have to go back to the place I was at today (i work at a group home, i had to go to another group home to fill i) I will fucking quit on the spot. Needless to say I’m looking for another job.

Brother asked me sunday (if you need me to clarify who “Brother” is, just ask, doubt you will but still) when we went to a local eatery/bar when I was getting a new job, and quite honestly I hadn’t even thought about looking. But then, hey, I realized I could. It looks better when you’re filling out applications when you can say you’re currently employed, right?

Brother was concerned about me going to this house, I was concerned, he messaged me several times through the shift to make sure I was okay, and I appreciated it.  I’m not really used to a male acquaintance to be worried about me that isn’t my Grandfather or Someone Who Wants To Bang Me, so Brother is being a really good influence on my freakin life, and he doesn’t have to but I think he see’s we’re alike in some ways, and we click in that sort of way, and I really freakin like Brother’s wife, so I can remove him from certain categories and thus, he’s Brother.

oh gosh. thats like, something i can’t even write here about its like, he doesn’t even have to do this and he is and i’m so fucking grateful i could cry.

Okay the point of this fucking blog was to talk about how Bill Mahler or however the fuck his last name is spelled is going to be on Conan and there was a comertial about it and he said something about gay marriage and I don’t remember what it was exactly but it prompted the thought:

I know you say how the fucking bible some how says homosexuals are going to hell,  that’s your belief as a Christian or whatever, BUT, as much as you fucking want to believe that this country, United States of America was founded by the damned bible, it wasn’t, not really, and fucking homosexuals are fucking human beings goddamn it, and humans have fucking rights and thats strait up. So in the words of my mom “I have less of a problem with gay marriage than I do with marriage in general” because jesus mother of fuck, if a fuck ton of heterosexual marriages end in divorce, what the fuck are you having a problem with?

You are just having a fucking bigotry problem. You don’t want homosexual/gay marriage? Don’ t fucking get one. You’re not getting hurt. So shut the fuck up.

tag this with: if i weren’t drunk as fuck and pissed off, i’m not sure i’d have posted this but goddamn i’m mad.


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so I’m in this play, right?

We had a freakin amazing run tonight. All the laughs, I myself was ON FIRE. It was great. I love our little theater, dispite things that go on, the less talked about here the better, but yet, here’s the kicker; our director wasn’t there tonight, he was sick. So I wonder if it was great because we wanted to do him proud and all.

Regardless, we were fucking amazing. I’m still riding the high which is nice since I’m now at work for night shift. My one cast mate Rob just texted me that he was coming down off of his high, which lucky him he gets to go sleep but I came in to work to hear cats screaming. OH YES. This was my one text:


But yeah. Good night. So far, at least. Can’t wait to get home and go to sleep.

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Night Shift turns to Morning Shift

In about an hour and a half I’m going to have to get some people up. One of them is going to be a sweetie as usual. The other one, it’s possibly not going to be so great.

At any rate, I feel like this could be my weekend night thing to do if I fucking remember.

Anyways. I lost my external hard drive. Like as in, I plug it in and it just beeps at me. All my stuff is gone. Well, some of it is still on another hard drive that malfuntioned and was the reason I bought that damn thing in the first place. However, basically everything from the past two years at least, is gone.

I think what torques me the most is I found a lot of hi-res photos and they’re all now gone, unless I can find something to plug the thing into and see if I can recover the shit. I’m also pissed cause I want to go buy a new one but I need to pay my mother back, but fuck. I think I’ll end up putting off paying her back till my next paycheck because then I can give her intrest because I’m going to be getting some nice over time.

By “nice” I mean I came into work at 9pm yesterday, and I won’t be off the clock till 11am.  Great, huh?

Last shift I worked, I rolled cigarettes for the one guy. It helped me be awake, cause I seriously was so fucking tired. Tonight, though, and then through the morning I’ve been watching Dexter. I’ll have to write about it later though, I need to finish this episode and go have a cigarette and psych myself up.

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Because Working Nightshift Means It’s Never Too Early To Drink

I’m a dick. I’ve not written in.. fuck I have no idea how long.

(oh, @michaelpath had dm’d me on twitter to make sure i wasn’t dead basically and this is what happend. Hi Michael! you know i’m not deadcomaETC from me responding. and all.)

By my blog title and the excessive cussing in one sentence you can probbably gather I’m kind of .. I don’t know. Maybe drunk.  Oh hey, typo, dn’t feel like fixing it. Mayve later.

Oh god, this is going to be fucking embaressing and hilarious. CF is going to see this and tease me mercilessly about it. CF is is my fucking amazingly awesome co-worker and jesus fuck, the people I am so fucking lucky to meet change my fucking life in ways they can’t fucking imagine.

okay. I think I was going to talk about how I’m using rosetta stone to try and make sense of the russian laguage,  but i keep going “ai ya” or “dios mio” which, obvioulsy isn’t russian, but okay.

play. o yeah i’m in another fucking play. maybe i said that? fuck. last one i swear to fucking god,  i like my job better but the thing about the plays is that when i’m on that state, i get to be some other person, its not me.

and my fucking job, its good. so yeah.


anyways i forgot what the fuck i was going to really write because i got distracted asking CF if it was okay for me to talk about her when writing and lost every fucking train of thought i had. so yeah.

I should update tonight after i hopefully have at least five hours of sleep.

so yeah. im gonna go pass out cause i need sleep and idk how long this will be up. maybe i’ll leave it up as a reminder to myself. ha.

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Sandwich Experiments 01


Wheat bread, peanut butter, bologna, spinach and mayo- it actually tasted pretty good

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